I almost gave up. Almost. The last two weeks I've been walking around barely here just existing (if you read my previous works, simply existing sucks). But besides walking around like a drone, I almost gave in. I almost did something I've never done.
Now everyone I'm going to give you a glimpse of the struggle so please don't judge. Most people give you that motivation you need when they've been through it, I'm gone give it to you RIGHT NOW and right here. Yesterday I was laying on my bed watching the ceiling fan spin and spin and spin. Laying there I had a negative balance of $4 in my account, an eighth of a tank of gas, and a dead spirit. I'm laying there literally like "damn what the fuck am I about to do". I only saw two options: move back home or struggle until you have no choice to go back home. After talking to the most inspirational person in my life (well second to my mama) I was just like
fuck it I might as well just go back home and try it again later. And yes I laid there and cried, got mad, and cried again.
But
suddenly. In my body I felt a jolt. A mysterious jolt that made me get the hell up. It made me get up so fast. Something in me told me that if I kept feeling sorry for myself and sulking around I was going to turn right into that person I was feeling sorry for. And you better believe I did not want to be her. She's all fragile and judging -- ugghhh she gets on my last nerves lol. But last night something was at work inside of me and honestly I don't know what it was. I instantly got up and realized that I needed to take action. I hopped out of that bed, ran to my car, and hit the library. I applied for as many jobs as I could in that hour and a half. Next I started ACTIVELY looking for a cheaper apartment and by actively I mean researching, asking questions, and setting up tours.
So here's where I leave you all with something a little clearer than my story. There are 3 things I want you to think about when you wake up, when you're feeling down, when you simply feel like giving up.
1. FAITH. You have to have faith in something or you're going to constantly feel like you're living for nothing. Everyone needs to believe in something.You can't live day to day just existing, find you something to have faith in and you'll feel better about good and bad circumstances.
2. Communicate. When you're having a bad day or a bad week that's not something you need to keep to yourself. Let your friends and family know. Every battle you do not have to fight alone. Have someone you feel comfortable talking to because they're really going to come in handy. Shit if need be send me a message and I'll talk to your. Grow your support system.
3. Don't think, know! You're going to have to know that things are going to get better. If you create a mindset where you're thinking the worst or simply thinking "realistically", it's going to kill your spirit every time. Think & act optimistically in everything you do and everything will get better. That's a promise.
So no . . . I don't have another job yet. And yes I do still have bill collectors calling my phone. I'm in the midst of this struggle. And guess what? My biopic is going to be soooo good lbs. Stay blessed.
